What is the 3 Month Rule in a Relationship

The fact that a man desires you doesn't mean he values you. Desire and appreciation are two entirely different things. How can you tell if he values you? Observe how he treats you over an extended period. Are you consistently special and important to him? Are you a priority for him even after several months?

Most people can put on a good show for a day or a week, but three consecutive months is a different story.

Nowadays, many relationships have shifted to platforms like Skype or Facebook. Therefore, we often witness more words than actions, and this can be perilous. Anyone can juggle words without attaching much significance to them. It's great if he can write and speak to you eloquently. However, a smart woman will still cover her ears and focus on actions. If you primarily communicate with a man through messages and calls, it doesn't provide you with an adequate picture of him as a person. To truly understand who he is, you need to spend a significant amount of time together.

A good foundation for communication is friendship. You should really like the person. You cannot make an informed decision about whether he is the one worth building a relationship with if you haven't spent time getting to know him. Otherwise, you're meeting your dream, and disappointment will strike you very soon. See if he tries to establish contact after a conflict. Observe how he behaves when he's sick, feels weak, disappointed, angry, or stressed. Does he remain caring and polite? Does he value the time spent with you, your opinions, feelings, and needs? Pay attention to where he puts you on his list of priorities—are you at the top, or are you tenth or twentieth, with his parents, work, or friends ahead of you?

Pay attention to whether his words match his actions. People constantly leave signs about themselves that smart individuals can read. We talk about our dreams, fears, opinions, etc., creating an image of ourselves that doesn't always align with reality. In our thoughts, we all want to be good and noble, but behavior often indicates otherwise. Sometimes, we say unpleasant words and take actions that contradict our previous statements. Three months will give you the opportunity to see if a man's actions align with his words.

Listen to how he talks about his ex. If it's negative, you can be fairly certain that he'll soon be talking about you the same way. There's a big difference between saying, "I didn't feel intimacy with my wife" and giving an evaluation like, "She was amazingly self-centered."

A man who harbors anger toward his mother, whether unacknowledged or unaddressed, subconsciously projects that anger onto his woman. He's not ready to take responsibility for the quality of the relationship, so he sees his woman as bad and himself as a victim. There's a high likelihood that such a man will exhibit emotional or physical violence towards his woman.

Often, men who grew up with their mothers (or if the father had an addiction, displayed violence, was entirely absent, or primarily worked and was minimally involved with the children) cannot let go of their mothers in adulthood. This is called "enmeshment." These men are primarily loyal to their mothers, subconsciously self-identifying first as sons and only secondarily as men.

How do you find out if your man is enmeshed with his mother? Look at how he makes choices and decisions. Does he visit his mother several times a week? When making choices, whose feelings will he try to protect—his mother's or yours? If it's his mother, then his mother replaces you, and instead of a man, you'll have a boy.

Start a conflict. Not that you should speak or behave poorly with a man, but be honest. Most women initially try to please a man; if choosing between their own desire and the man's desire, they often choose his. However, if done for too long, this can come at a cost. By doing so, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to see how a man handles his frustration when he doesn't get what he wants.

Stand up for your needs. For example, if you're watching a movie, the man might accommodate you the first and second times. But observe if he continues to do so the fifth time. If a man doesn't get what he wants, see if he remains caring and polite. When there's a breakdown in communication, does he try to fix it? Look at how the man deals with his frustration and feelings. Does he raise his voice and say nasty things? If yes, lace up your prettiest sneakers and run!

Get to know the man's family before deciding to commit yourself to him. See how he interacts with family members, and observe how he treats you when you are together with his family. Does he pay attention to you and take care of you at each meeting? If he is unwilling to introduce you to his family, be cautious!

Friends. Get to know the man's friends. See how he interacts with them and how he behaves with you in their presence. Is he caring and attentive? Are you his top priority? Is he not afraid to be honest with friends and acquaintances? Does he maintain authenticity and straightforwardness, or does he put on a mask?

Work. A man who constantly changes jobs may struggle with commitment. Or a man with nine companies—how much time do you think he'll have left for you?

Does he look you in the eyes when you talk? Does he discuss complex topics with you, sharing his feelings and needs? Is he not afraid to be vulnerable with you, and does this persistently?

A common story I often hear: a woman meets a man, and he is initially very sensitive, perhaps even shedding a tear. Then, as they become closer, that sensitive side disappears. As mentioned earlier, anyone can juggle words and be vulnerable once or twice. However, meaningful relationships are built with a man who can consistently be sincere and caring, allowing you to feel what he feels. Emotions don't make a person weak; understanding and expressing feelings and needs make us emotionally intelligent.

Care is when a person consistently treats their partner tenderly and kindly. Is the man open to you when you need him? Does he show understanding toward your feelings and needs (even when you're upset with him)? Does he take the time to listen and understand you if there's a misunderstanding? Does he apologize if he's wrong? Does he comfort you when you're sad, or does he tell you to deal with it on your own and leave? Does he try to make amends for his mistakes?

Women often get fixated on words - "he said he wants me," "but he said he couldn't be as open with anyone else as he is with me," and so on. But what does it matter what he said? After all, I can also say that I am the Queen of Babylon. You better look at what he does! Does he speak to you rudely? Does he take the time to listen and understand you, or does he insist sharply on being right? Does he consider your feelings and needs? If a man is consistently not open to you, it is very difficult to build a relationship with him.

It is impossible to engage in sex without any emotions — sex evokes a sense of longing in the body's memory, and your views become confused. You can no longer see the person clearly, so you become more vulnerable and prone to making mistakes. So, cross your legs and pull up your panties!

Many women fearfully declare, "But he'll disappear!" Common sense should come into play here. Do you really want a man who disappears as soon as he doesn't get what he wants? If a person values you, he is willing to make an effort for you and wait for a few months without sex. The time spent with you is a privilege and a gift for him. He wants to give you what you need, and your happiness is important to him. This is how you will understand whether a man values you or just desires you. If a man is not willing to wait and invest, it cannot be considered an equal partnership where equals meet. In such a situation, one is in the role of giving, and the other is in the role of receiving.

If a man speaks rudely about someone or something, don't immediately take a defensive stance and say, "Well, stop it!" A wise woman will say, "Tell me more about it!" and listen very carefully. Let him express himself. If a man is interested in you, he will respond to your comment right away and may start hiding the part of himself that you don't like until he "gets" you.

If a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Women often start justifying men's rude behavior: he had a difficult childhood or failed relationships. We all have a past where we received wounds and accumulated fears. However, this doesn't mean that we should put ourselves in a situation where we become a receptacle for others to spit into. A difficult past doesn't give us the right to speak rudely to others or treat them with negligence. People will treat you based on the standards you set for yourself.

In society, there are many traumatized individuals because too many women turn a blind eye to rude behavior and don't end bad relationships. So, they pass the message to men, brothers, and children that such treatment of women is normal. If a sufficient number of women said, "Enough!" and walked away, it would force men to put more effort into their relationships.

Everyone wants to be in close, loving relationships. It's encoded in us. Studies show that one of the criteria for being happy in marriage is maintaining high standards. This means that people don't settle for nonsense but strive to become better companions to each other.

So, when you meet a man, take your time, hold your ground until you get to know him better. A man who wants you will be very purposeful. As Tanel Padar sings, "Look around a bit, it's not too late, you'll have time to live a little more."

More about 3 month rule here.

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